Here it is, in 3 easy steps!

1. Promise your wife you will clean the toilet.
2. Don’t clean the toilet.
3. Repeat Steps 1 and 2 until your wife gets so fed up that she cleans the toilet.

Obviously, this only works if you are happily married. If you’re not married, or if you are unhappily married, then this probably won’t work for you very well.

One day, I decided it was about time to restore order in my bathroom universe, and resolved to tackle the bathtub scum. What is that stuff anyway? A nasty mixture of body oils, dead skin, and soap scum — itself a mysterious substance – ironic that soap itself has to be cleaned. Multi-coloured molds. Yucky.

The real question is how do you get rid of it?

Certainly, the normal person would march off to their local supermarket, where shelves of bathtub cleansers await. No, that would be too easy. In the spirit of not owning too many cleaning supplies, I figured it must be possible to clean a bathtub with something I already owned. I generally try to avoid single-purpose tools or products as much as possible. It’s a principle thing.

So I pulled out my cleaning cart and put on some rubber gloves, and began the grand experiment. It wasn’t long before I had attacked the scum with every product I had in my limited cleaning arsenal, with very limited success.

Here are some things which don’t work that well – to save you the trouble of trying them:

• vinegar – no effect
• baking soda – scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing, it is too much effort
• baby oil – actually, it does dissolve the oily scum, but well, it’s messy

Hmm, a more difficult task than I had anticipated! Off to the Internet where I found a myriad cleaning websites and a dearth of effective bathtub cleaning advice. Sigh! I guess I’m on my own again.

Finally I discovered the one thing which really works, the secret to cleaning your bathtub. It is automatic dishwasher detergent. Very powerful stuff. Works like you would not believe. Here are some tips if you are going to do this yourself. Your mileage may vary. Proceed with caution!

1. Wear gloves – this stuff is very strong
2. Turn on the ventilation, and try not to breath it
3. Rinse your bathtub with hot water
4. Sprinkle some powdered detergent – you don’t need much
5. Add some more hot water – perhaps 1 litre
6. Gently scrub with a scouring pad – you don’t need to scrub very hard
7. Rinse thoroughly!

So, how do YOU clean your bathtub?

Centime Story
by Eugene Huang

Centimes never really gave me a problem until Andi went away and left behind a bag full of them. I swear, they multiply when you’re not looking. I thought I knew how to handle centimes; I thought I knew how to control them: I get some from the store, and use them back in the store. Simple. Boy, was I wrong. I need to take a course in Centime Management. Perhaps they even have a degree program. I could become a Certified Centime Consultant.

One day, I had had enough, and went on a mission to get rid of the centimes. Andi had donated them to me saying, “Here, I don’t know what to do with these. !%$#^@ centimes.” So I ignorantly took them under my charge. My first stop was at a bank. I politely asked if they took centimes. Of course, came the reply. So, I give you some centimes, and you’ll give me two franc coins? Oh no, we don’t do that. You can deposit the centimes, but you can’t exchange them. We don’t carry change. But you can go to a store and use them. You can go to the boulangerie. Ok, thanks, and I walked out because I didn’t have an account at this bank so I couldn’t deposit them. We don’t carry change, I mocked. We don’t carry change. What do you mean, you don’t carry change? You’re a bank!

I decided to do my grocery shopping and use up the centimes that way. I got to the cashier. I asked if I could use a whole lot of centimes and the cashier reluctantly agreed. I made her count out 12 francs worth of centimes. They were piled up in nice little piles on the conveyor belt as the queue grew longer and longer. When she was all done counting them she was not too happy. She was all in a huff and refused to take them because I had bought 50 francs worth of groceries and did not have that many centimes. She took a 50-franc bill from me and muttered under her breath, “boulangerie”, leaving me to collect the pieces of coin and the shattered remains of my dignity from off the conveyor belt as the whole store looked on. It was a hot day to boot. I’m never ever going back to that store.

What is this secret connection between the boulanger and centimes, I mused. Everybody seems to be telling me to go there. The boulanger is my worst enemy! He’s the one who keeps on giving me the centimes whenever I go to buy a baguette. He always give me an evil smile as he dumps my change into my hand. Bonne journee! But I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking: Heh, heh, heh, you’ll never get rid of those centimes, ever!

I once peeked into the cash register at the boulangerie. It was full of 5 centimes, 10 centimes, 20 centimes. Full, full of them I tell you! It was a centime party. How do THEY get rid of all their centimes? The smarter boulangers all have degrees, I bet. The others must have their consultants. They must wake up some nights sweating from their centime nightmares. Invasion of the Centimes. Return of the Killer Centimes. They must dream about drowning in a slimy centime pit. Boulangers have such stressful working conditions; I’m expecting them to go on strike any day now. Bet you it’ll be a Friday or a Monday. In May. Boulangers of France, Unite!

I hate hate hate buying smelly products, and I never never never remember to think about smell as a factor in my purchases. I mean, why in the world would anybody ever make smelly products in the first place? It’s atrocious. It’s wrong. It’s evil!

Here are some of the smelly products that I’ve had the unfortunate displeasure of owning:

• Luggage: Smelly luggage which still smelled after 3 days of airing outside. They still smell to this day.
• Bookshelf: It’s the glue. It’s smelly. The smell eventually goes away. But, why do I need to put up with it?
• Lamp: What the heck, a smelly lamp? Indeed! It turns out the base of the lamp is made of some kind of stinky heavy plastic. I’m not sure if it still smells – I’m afraid to go smell it.
• GelGems: These are decorations which self-stick to smooth surfaces without adhesives. Don’t buy them, they are smelly! I’m not sure if the smell will go away over time.
• Books: Some books are extremely smelly. Not good.
• Shoes: Yeah, the smell of new shoes is the smell of toxic chemicals. Not good for you!

It would be bad enough that these products smell. However, that’s not the worst of it. Smelly things are emitting chemicals, and these can be hazardous to your health. It’s called “out-gassing” and you can think of it as your newly purchased products farting (not exactly true — but a useful metaphor nonetheless). I fart enough without having to also worry about my products farting, too!

Anyway, that’s the end of this article. Clearly I should tag it as a “rant”. Have you got any examples of smelly products you have unfortunately purchased? Smelly products. We hatesss them!

I really like these categories. I really like categories, period. Did you know there are two types of people in the world? Those who think there are two types of people in the world, and those who know there are a lot more than two types of people in the world. Anyway, I still like categories.

These categories are from a book by Roger Von Oech, The Four Roles of the Creative Process.

• Artist: Creating something new, designing, making
• Warrior: Fighting to make something happen
• Explorer: searching for new things out there, wonder, curiosity
• Judge: Evaluating between alternatives

You may use this breakdown to evaluate how skilled you are in these roles. Challenge yourself to practice these roles!

Many of us could use more creativity in our lives. Others of us are so creative we can’t seem to function in “normal” society. For those who could use more creativity, these tips may help:

Barriers (attitutes) to creativity

“It’s not important” … may indicate that I’m getting lazy.

“I don’t have time” … may indicate that I am too busy.

“I already have the answer” … may indicate I am becoming arrogant.

“I’m not creative” … may indicate that I’m getting timid.

So go ahead, get creative already!

One of my obsessions is with deriving things from first principles. So, presenting: principles for uncluttered living, explained from the ground up, in sequence and in order of priority. If you are struggling with messiness in your living space, this article may help you. I recently went to the library and found books about how to declutter your life. Who has time to read those?

1. If you don’t own it, it can’t make a mess. If you are a packrat like me this principle is quite difficult to follow. I like to keep boxes. One of my childhood hobbies was collecting cereal boxes and tissue boxes – no kidding! I now know that cardboard is not such a precious commodity that I need to stockpile it. So the name of the game is to get rid of all that junk you just don’t use in the first place. On a related note, living in a small space will reduce your urge to buy things – you simply have no place to put them! Smart.
2. If you don’t make a mess, there’s no mess to clean. This means learning to cook efficiently, with as few utensils and containers as needed. Optimize! In the extreme, it may mean eating out of a pot instead of a separate dish. Or, cook three dishes in the same frying pan, instead of using three frying pans. It means finding more efficient and cleaner ways of performing the same tasks. For example, you could use only one cup for all your drinking needs, if you find yourself having to go on a cup-gathering expedition around the house every week.
3. A place for everything, and everything in its place. If you are often spending time searching for your keys, or your wallet, or your cell phone, or whatever, then you need to live by this principle. A place for everything means you designate a storage area for magazines, instead of having them scattered everywhere. Everything in its place basically means putting your toys away when you’re not using them.
4. Storage areas should have excess capacity. Many thanks to my friend Channing for this principle. He lives by the rule that storage areas should be only 80% full. What happens when your bookshelf runs out of space? You end up with books overflowing to the counter, or the desk, or… you get the picture. Horrors if you open a cabinet and find items stacked on top and behind each other. How are you supposed to find anything? So, keep your storage areas organized and not full to the brim.
5. Prefer low-effort systems. Design the way you live so that you don’t have to make extraordinary effort to keep your living space clean. Design for laziness. For example, I have a hard time putting away my jacket when I get home. So instead of the usual hanger system, I put up a series of pegs. One peg for my jacket, one peg for my knapsack. Easy. Done. No more jackets on the couch or on the chair.
6. Little piles are evil. Kill them quickly. Have you ever put an innocent book down on the table, and found two weeks later, that the one book has multiplied into a collection of magazines, pens, notes, candy, candy wrappers? Pure evil. The pile has taken a life of its own and now needs to be exorcised, not merely cleaned up. This happens particularly often in garages and basements. Beware! Be warned! Kill them while they are still babies! This is probably the only time you will find me advocating the killing of babies.
7. Leave it a bit cleaner than how you found it. A common principle of conscientious campers, there’s no reason this principle shouldn’t be applied to all your living spaces (and indeed, all areas of life in general). It is amazing how much can be accomplished by slow, steady, tiny amounts of effort in a single direction.
8. Don’t hide clutter, make it visible! This principle may seem to make no sense at all, but hear me out. If you find yourself hiding away your clutter and telling yourself you’ll deal with it “one day” (which inevitably never comes), listen up! Take that clutter and put it in the middle of your living room. Or right in the hallway for everybody to trip on. No doubt, you’ve heard of “Out of sight, out of mind”. This is “in sight, in mind”. Making it obviously a problem encourages you to deal with it.

So there you have it. If you have any tips of your own I’d love to hear about them!

To reiterate, I found it quite frustrating to get any straight answers out of the Aeroplan website. I will, therefore, attempt to answer a few basic questions myself. (Note: I’ve used the term “points” instead of “miles”. In my mind, using miles adds even more confusion.)

How many points do I get for my purchase?

There are many, ways to get points. They are all calculated differently. It’s terribly complicated. I’ll do a basic point calculation on a “standard” airfare purchase. So, here we go. I purchased an Air Canada ticket (Economy) for $926, which resulted in my accumulation of 8800 points. This means one dollar earns 9.5 points, or 10.5 cents per point.

How much are points worth in real dollars?

Again, there are many, many ways to redeem points. From the Aeroplan website, I purchased a $100 Esso gift card for 12500 points. Using this as a baseline currency conversion, the Aeroplan pseudo-currency is valued at 125 points per dollar, or 0.8 cents per point.

Other points valuations: Aeroplan allows you to purchase points, at a rate of 3 cents per point. Ridiculous! Why couldn’t I simply purchase points at the going rate: 0.8 cents per point? There must be a reason Aeroplan doesn’t do this, but it escapes me. Aeroplan also allows you to share your points, at a rate of 2 cents per point. Again, ridiculous! It would cost $20 to transfer $8 worth of points.

Finally, what we’ve all been waiting for, how much value do I get from being an Aeroplan member?

For a $100 reward, I’ve had to purchase $1316 worth of airplane tickets, a net redemption rate of … 7.6 %! As far as customer loyalty programs go, this is an extremely good reward rate. Most are in the range of 1% to 2%, or so.

Disclaimer:

These calculations are not really a rigorous scientific study. The mere fact that it would take a rigorous study to get at what I consider basic information every customer should already know is itself cause for concern.

Conclusion:

In my opinion, Aeroplan treats its customers poorly (see Aeroplan drives me crazy – Part 1). Aeroplan seems to show contempt towards its customers, by being deliberately vague about how the value of points, and making it overly complicated to earn and redeem points. They have several customer-unfriendly policies like points expiration within one year, and unfavorable rates for purchasing or sharing points.

Despite this, the actual reward percentage is quite high and if you travel a lot, signing up with Aeroplan may be worth your pain.

• Aeroplan seems to make it fairly easy to collect points, but difficult to redeem them. Tangible evidence, I have none, but it’s just a feeling I get when using the Aeroplan website.
• If there’s no activity in your Aeroplan account for one year, then Poof! all your points disappear. This has happened to many people, and it’s just very customer unfriendly. Perhaps there’s a good reason for this, but no matter, it’s just not very nice.
• Aeroplan points seem to be worth quite a bit. A while ago, I calculated the reward percentage to be about 7-8% on airplane tickets. However, you never really know how much your points are worth. It’s an ill-defined pseudo-currency which has fluctuating value. Very annoying.
• The only thing I could find in the ENTIRE Aeroplan rewards catalogue which was worth buying was an ESSO gift card, which is not a bad approximation to cash. A $100 card could be purchased for 12,500 points. That puts the conversion rate at: 1 point = 0.8 cents. Using that valuation, you will quickly discover that all the other rewards offered by Aeroplan are grossly overpriced. There’s no point buying any of these items, since you could buy them for MUCH cheaper by yourself. Some reward!
• If you are a few points short of a reward, then there are a few options available. You can purchase more points at an exorbitant conversion rate. It’s a really bad rate, I did the math but I don’t remember the exact figure.
• Alternatively, you could have someone transfer their points to you. But to do that, you have to pay some other exorbitant amount for the privilege, and it turns out that it costs more to share points than the points themselves are worth. How’s that for treating your customer fairly?

I haven’t actually redeemed the points towards airline tickets, which for many people is probably why they joined Aeroplan. But I’ve had such a bad experience with Aeroplan that I’m pretty reluctant to do much else with it. In my opinion, Aeroplan is a great example of how to treat your customers poorly. Gaaaa, we hates them!

What do you think?

I’d like to share some random weird things I’ve seen in Taiwan. (Weird to me, at least.) Most of them relate to the Taiwan economy, which is an aspect of Taiwanese culture which is easily visible.

• Stores really want your business. Everywhere you go, store owners actively greet you, invite you to enter the store, and show you their products. Business is very competitive. Even store personnel who are obviously not owners are enthusiastic. They probably get commission. It means that shopping in Taiwan is excellent, but it also means people end up often buying things they don’t really need. How very different than the typical Toronto store staff, with a buy-it-if-you-want-to-but-it-doesn’t-matter-to-me attitude.
• As part of actively pursuing the customer, it seems that every store has their own points collection system. The idea is that you collect points and redeem them for products. Imagine that, collecting points at the gas station, points at the mall (each mall seems to have its own points system), points everywhere. Coupled with the Taiwanese obsession with being frugal, it means that practically every Taiwanese household is filled with clutter they don’t need. Talk about being buried under materialism!
• The restaurants located in shopping malls are decent and inexpensive. A far cry from crappy food courts in Toronto malls, including the Chinese malls. Now, this is progress!
• There seems to be way too many employees paid to do menial tasks like greeting you, pushing buttons on an elevator, cleaning the bathroom. I swear that every time I have gone into a washroom in a mall, there would be a cleaning lady, cleaning away. I mean, how much cleaning is there to do? What a waste of human resources.
• You can’t get a table for 4. It’s a table for 3 + 1, since the number 4 is bad luck. (In Chinese it is pronounced the same as the word for “death”). There are many such superstitions, which is so weird given the technological progress Taiwan has seen in recent decades. Taiwan is both cutting-edge as well as awkwardly stuck in time.

Taiwan, marvelously weird and wacky!